


fear ruled by apathy in the worst ways

by Aethiox



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cuddles, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'd put the other 'I'm bad at...' tags but this'd be to long, I'm Bad At Tagging, No real relationship stuff sorry, Roommates, Sleepy Cuddles, so now I'm just rambling to make this universe seem bigger then it is, this should be enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 01:18:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17033616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aethiox/pseuds/Aethiox
Summary: “I don’t... “ She paused, searching for her own words. She slowly strangled out, “I don’t talk in my sleep, do I?” Her roommate slowly shakes her head, but drawls in return, “You don’t speak, you scream, you whimper, you cry. Well… Sometimes you cry out ‘no,’ but that’s not much.” There were times when Alexandra “Commander” Forrester’s blunt communication skill-set was helpful. Now was not one of them.She sunk further into herself, eyes blinking back tears again as she felt the cold creep back in. It had always started from her spine, leaking oil in blood till all she could feel was the slow creeping heartbeat and the oil moving sluggishly.(Put M just to be safe, could probably get away with T without getting in too much trouble though.





	fear ruled by apathy in the worst ways

**Author's Note:**

> Well then. I wasn't expecting to post on this site ever again after my dumb first two attempts, but here we go again. Hopefully I've gained a smidge of talent and this isn't trash. I'm highly encouraging comments criticizing this, so please do post some things you think I can do better if you have the time!

_Fearful eyes stare as he comes closer. She was too frightened and repulsed to move. She looked down at the camera once again, looking at the pictures of herself. Nude, partially or fully so, in the pictures. “Rich…” She said softly, voice trembling. She didn’t trust herself to finish the last part of that sentence without sounding completely broken. “Now that I’ve got your attention,” He started with a smirk; “Strip.” Her eyes flicker upwards, tears swelling but she refused to let them fall. “Fine.” She bit back, vowing to herself to be quiet and finish this quickly. Her shirt was the first thing, hands going through muscle memory as the buttons of the flannel came undone. She didn’t look up at his usually soft, playfully teasing blue eyes. She shuttered in memory. He reached a hand out to tenderly brush her arm, face smirking as he leaned closer. She felt repulsed, but didn’t flinch away. In her own desperate need to get this over with, she shrugged off her shirt and lunged forwards, her body numbing as she did._

 

_She could only feel the occasional brush of cold fingers, tears wetting her lashes, and rough fingers sliding along her pelvic region before she…_

 

The blonde shot up, eyes teary and body in a cold sweat. She pulled her knees towards her chest, breathing shallow and quick and uselessly before a soft sob escaped her throat. She thought these had stopped. These awful memories that incarnated themselves within the limitless bounds of the artist’s terrifying imagination. She tried to tuck into herself further before tensing. Her head slowly peaked up, looking at the girl across the room. The brunette’s messy hair was thrown around herself, green eyes clearly open as she stared silently from across the room. “Lexa?” She called softly, and the girl shuffled till one hand was under her head and supporting herself. Her eyes were soft, yet scalding at the same time. She sighs, head sinking back down. “I don’t... “ She paused, searching for her own words. She slowly strangled out, “I don’t talk in my sleep, do I?” Her roommate slowly shakes her head, but drawls in return, “You don’t speak, you scream, you whimper, you cry. Well… Sometimes you cry out ‘no,’ but that’s not much.” There were times when Alexandra “Commander” Forrester’s blunt communication skill-set was helpful. Now was not one of them.

 

She sunk further into herself, eyes blinking back tears again as she felt the cold creep back in. It had always started from her spine, leaking oil in blood till all she could feel was the slow creeping heartbeat and the oil moving sluggishly. Lexa called over towards her drowsily, “Clarke?” But she doesn’t respond. Lexa frowns, standing and stumbling towards her sleepily.

 

So sure, Lexa didn’t really know her blonde roommate of six weeks and two day and five hours and sixteen minutes, not that she was counting, but she couldn’t leave the girl in the middle of an emotional breakdown to go back to sleep. She hovers her hand over the blonde’s shoulder, even in her somewhat sleep-drunk state she could tell the girl didn’t like being touched. After a moment of whip fast thought, she crawled up on the bed with her and studied her. She began tucking into herself, elbows touching her hip bones and head leaning down towards her legs which were tucked up against her chest. She watched Clarke, waiting for her to come back from her space enough to hear her. When she sees it she calls her name softly, “Clarke?” While the blonde gives no conscious movement, her body shifts slightly towards her own. Her eyes flicker over the girl another time before she said her words rhythmically. “I need you to do something for me, okay?” She doesn’t expect an answer, but waits a second anyway, “What can you hear around you, Clarke?” She tried. She still didn’t get an answer, but Clarke’s breathing was softer, slower, but longer. She smiled but quickly shifted back to her stoic expression. “What can you feel against your skin?” She gave the question in the same tone as she had the others, and after a moment Clarke’s breathing was nearly normal. “What can you smell?” She asks, waiting a moment once more before opening her mouth only to find herself pleasantly surprised by the raw voice of the blonde. “Those damn candles you insist are vital to your own survival.” It would have been funny, if the blonde hadn’t snarled like a savage animal at her. She bit her tongue and nodded. She let another moment of silence pass before she looked up. The blonde was staring at her from under her arms, looking like a wounded lion that would slash out at any second.

 

Lexa’s mind worked like a machine. Something screamed at her that the girl didn’t want Lexa to touch her, but for her own hands to touch Lexa. She asked softly, “Clarke?” The girl didn’t make any verbal response. Yet Lexa made sure to look into her eyes as she spoke quietly. “Can you hold me?” And then the final battle began. She saw the war of distrust and want and fear begin and end in a severed second, and the blonde girl nods. “Yeah, c’mere.” She said, acting as if it had been something she didn’t really want to do. Lexa crawled forwards next to her friend, laying down in front of her quietly. So, two full grown adults sitting in a single twin bed wasn’t exactly the most comfortable, but they’d manage. Lexa looks behind her a singular moment, nodding at the blonde. She felt arms tangle around her waist and chest, hardly touching at first. Over time, they grip harder until Lexa can feel them partially restricting her chest when she takes deep breaths. She grunts, screwing her eyes shut as she turns in Clarke’s arms. Or at least tries too. Clarke’s arms tighten with a soft whimper and Lexa is trapped awkwardly between her arms on her stomach. “Clarke…” She gives a soft sigh. This could be a long night. “You like saying my name a lot, Lexa.” Lexa receives the grumbled response and she gives her own soft smile. “Seems I do. Can I turn to face you?” She asked. Clarke responds by loosening up her grip and Lexa turns to face her.

 

Her green eyes search blue before she leans forward and tucks her head beneath her chin. She breathed evenly and slowly against Clarke’s chest, hand creeping up and giving the loosest hold she can manage. Clarke’s breathing comes to match her own, eventually. “What happened?” She asked, wondering if the girl would just snap or not respond. But Clarke was full of surprises today. She took a shaky breath before the landslide of words came out of her throat. “I was 14, I was dumb. Some friends and I were partying, and-” Her voice trembled, a second of pause before she continued, “-and my sister’s boyfriend had come, even though she wasn’t there that day. He- he pulled me aside after most of us were asleep or had gone home and he showed me pictures… Of myself.” She struggled, then managed to choke out, “Of myself changing, some fully nude and some mostly nude. He threatened me. He said if I didn’t sleep with him he’d show the pictures to everyone and…” She trailed off, not willing to continue any further. Tears had long ago started to fall from her cheeks again. Lexa frowned, not knowing how to respond.

 

She pressed her face further into Clarke’s chest, sighing contently. “Thank you for telling me this, Clarke.” She can feel Clarke nod against her. She gave a second of thought before meekly pressing her lips to the throat of the other girl. She felt the other girl tense above her, and she drew back into herself. But Clarke’s hand went up and held the back of Lexa’s head. And then they both drifted off. First Lexa, her breath soft and warm on the blonde’s chest and head curled towards her. Then Clarke, arms wrapped around the commanding girl to keep them both safe, and chin just barely off of the top of Lexa’s head.

**Author's Note:**

> It annoys me how fast paced this is, I wish I could have drawn out that last bit more but it wouldn't have been easy to read for anyone. bUT anyway, hope you enjoyed this garbage. Lemme have your cruelest judgement.


End file.
